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Good Responses for Bad Pickup Lines

I am a 31-year old divorcee who has recently re-entered the dating scene. I thought that cheesy, archaic pickup lines were a thing of the past, but lately I have been exposed to some of the worst I have ever heard. They always catch me off guard, and I never know how to respond. Any suggestions? 

Like Elvis and reruns of the Andy Griffith Show, cheesy pickup lines will never die. Why? Because many men cannot express themselves confidently or coherently to a woman when they approach her to inform her of their interest. For some men, this is a learned behavior from years of rejection, while for others it is simply a lack of practice or knowledge of how to do it differently. 

There is significant pressure placed on men to make the first move and attempt the initial communication that expresses their interest in a woman. Women could help out by being a bit more assertive and aggressive (although, some men would see this as a turn-off). 

As feeble as pickup lines may be, never forget that this man is making an effort to show an interest in you. Granted, his approach might be flawed but his heart is in the right place. If you are even slightly interested in him, laugh off the line, say hello and begin a normal conversation. If you're not interested and you want to have some fun with the entire interpersonal debacle, here is an assortment of commonly used lines and responses to try: 

Man: "Hi. I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." 

Man: "So, what do you do for a living?" Woman: "Female impersonator." 

Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I am a receptionist at the VD Clinic." 

Man: "Want to dance?" Woman: "No, thank you." Man: "Don't thank me, thank God that someone asked you!" 

Man: "Hey baby, your place or mine?" Woman: "Both, you go to your place, I'll go to mine." 

Man: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Woman (select one): "Do not enter. Yield. Proceed with caution. Stop. Dead end." 

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Good, then PLEASE leave me alone." 

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore." 

Man: "I would go through anything to meet you." Woman: "Okay, let's begin with your bank account." 

Man: "May I have the last dance?" Woman: "Whenever it was, you've already had it." 

Man: "I would go to the ends of the earth to meet you." Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"